How to Stop Controlling Your Spouse...and Much More!!!

With the Married Life Newsletter, each month you receive ideas and insights with go-and-do's you can actually go and do. So pick one, two, three of the things below and see how little things can turn into something big! You got this...because you are better at marriage than you think!

How to Stop Controlling Your Spouse

by Les and Leslie Parrott

Often, when we’re trying to control others (in this case, our spouse), we’re acting out of fear. Perhaps it’s fear of the unknown, or just the simple fear of not getting something that we deeply desire. Whatever the case, the primary motivating factor in controlling behavior is often fear.

Fear itself can have many different triggers. If you’ve been betrayed by your spouse in the past (in the case of infidelity–or any other breach of trust, for that matter), you might resort to control in order to alleviate your fear of further betrayal. If you’re fearful that you may not achieve certain outcomes in any given area of your life, you might attempt to stay in control of the people and circumstances around you.

Unfortunately, we’re often completely blind to the damage we’re doing when we try to control. This blindness occurs because all we can see is our own fear, and all we can feel is the overwhelming need to alleviate it.

Controlling behavior communicates lack of trust in your spouse and damages the intimacy in your marriage. It’s not likely that you want to do permanent damage to your relationship with your spouse–in fact, we assume that’s the last thing you want to do! But it’s absolutely critical for you to stop controlling your spouse now, and get your marriage on the road to a healthier dynamic.

In today’s blog, we’ll discuss three steps you can take to stop controlling your spouse...

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The Hearns have been married for 26 years and Scott has been a minister for 30 years. They have three daughters—one starting graduate school, one in college and one in high school. Their girls were (and are) very active, so we wanted to get some advice for those couples that are in the middle of the busy kid years. We asked Scott and Sandy: “How do you stay connected with a busy and active schedule?

Sandy: Scott and I stay connected by taking a quick walk together through the neighborhood, grabbing a quick meal and we’re together at all our girls’ events. It's hard sometimes, but we make it work.

Scott: Sandy and I stay connected by enjoying our three daughters' activities together. For years it was marching band competitions, now it's basketball games and tournaments. We enjoy the time riding to events together, sitting together and cheering together. We don't want to miss a moment of this season of our lives. 

Talk About It -  How do you stay connected with a busy and active schedule?


Grab a sticky note, fill in the blank below, and put it in a place your spouse will find it (e.g., washing machine, steering wheel, bathroom mirror, etc.). Take a picture of the note and upload it to the social media outlet of your choice, and include #MarriedLifeSoutheast.

I love how you want to __________ .


Each month we want to share a good post with simple things that can dramatically impact marriages. Check out this post...

One Simple Rule of Communication that Changed Our Marriage


Each month, we will bring you one tip that will hopefully bring you closer in the bedroom...or keep you from drifting a part. This month, we want you to hear from Dave Willis.

How Often Should A Married Couple Have Sex?


During one meal this week, ask each other this question:

If you could have any career in the world, what would it be?


The best gift you can give your spouse is a healthy you—healthy spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally. Consider exploring a new resource to invest in a better you.

Good Website - Family Life on Marriage provides great articles to enrich and challenge your marriage.


Every marriage can use great resources - Be sure to forward this to another couple!!! And be sure to tell others about Married Life.

Jason McBride

Southeast Christian Church, 9650 Jordan Road, Parker, CO, 80134, United States