Controlling My Singleness

By Rachel Davis



For a while, I thought that didn’t bother me. You know, being single and having no immediate prospects. After all, I’m an independent woman, just started grad school a month ago, and plus now is the time of my life to enjoy the independence with everything else I have going on. But before I knew it, like a thief in the night, that word began to creep up on me. I’m independent and I love Jesus, so of course the idea of being single couldn’t bother me since I know, “Jesus fully satisfies our hearts alone,” right? Wrong.

I found myself feeling so frustrated with God. Why couldn’t my plan have worked out of being at least engaged by now at 22 years old…I mean is it really that hard, God? The more I lingered around this idea of being single - and trying to spot guys whose left hands were free of that silver band of unavailability - the more it started to consume my thoughts. The word “single” started to, in my mind, define more and more of my identity the more I worried and wanted to control it. And trying to control something that God could obviously take much better care of, whether or not having a husband one day is God’s plan for me, is so much better left up to Him.

In a quiet time I had a few weeks ago, I decided to be totally transparent with God and tell him what I was really thinking - as if He didn’t already know my thoughts (but that’s for another day):
“God, if it’s not taken care of by now, obviously I need to worry about it. Maybe you don’t care about this whole ‘future husband’ thing as much as I do – so let me do the work of caring about it and worrying about it.”

But in that moment, I realized I needed to surrender. I can’t say, in my flesh, that I wanted to surrender this. If I surrendered it, I’d lose control over it. BUT, if I surrendered it I would also lose worrying over it. Isn’t that a much better gain? And as I approached opening that door marked ‘surrender’, I remembered to simply just return to God. I didn’t have to have some lofty speech prepared for God about how I was going to give this over to Him, but just a willing heart to take a leap and let God reign over my singleness. To return and surrender, and let God take the reigns from there.

“The cross of Jesus is the path by which we return to our holy, gracious God. We need not fashion our own defense or disguise to shield our brokenness from His eyes – the blood of Jesus is our covering.”

During this Lent season, and beyond, let us remember that God doesn’t want lofty speeches and a long list of to-do’s as to how we’re going to accomplish whatever we’re wanting to surrender – but rather to just simply return to God and surrender through the grace and covering we have in Jesus. He already knows our brokenness. We just simply need to return because I promise that the worry and control you’re giving up to our gracious Father will be used by Him to abundantly provide you much more life.


Quote from: SheReadsTruth

Mitch Bolton

Mostly wonderful